


And What Of Hope

by CaitlynC



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A collection of scenes from across the last few books, Angst, Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda slight alteration of cannon, M/M, Marauders, Mutual Pining, Sirius Black Lived, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:41:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23922508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaitlynC/pseuds/CaitlynC
Summary: A collection of scenes from within the last few books of Harry Potter exploring what I would have wanted if Sirius had lived. If Bellatrix hadn't killed Sirius at the Ministry of Magic, where would we have been in later books? The major events of cannon remain, and the story follows the moments we would have seen them in cannon, but, Sirius is not dead. That is all, a bad summary, but there is little more to say about it.(This is kinda books and movies, I've watched the movies more recently than read the books, but I did A LOT of googling for this one so who tf really knows this is fanfic territory okay?)
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 53





	And What Of Hope

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my good friend who just finished binging the whole Harry Potter series for the first time (at 21????) and sobbed so hard at Sirius's death, I had to write her a fanfic.

##  One

Bellatrix was a moment too early. 

Just one. 

Remus saw her apparate from where he stood. In a single moment of dawning realization and horror, Remus saw that Sirius and Harry  _ didn’t _ see her, they were distracted by Lucius. 

In one second, two people made a decision. Nearly unnoticed by everyone, Remus disarmed Bellatrix the same second she opened her mouth to kill Sirius. The sound of her wand clattering to the stone beneath her ringing over the silenced room, and the only person who couldn’t hear it was Remus. His heart was beating somewhere in his skull so loud that it nearly silenced the rest of the room around him. 

The chaos only paused long enough for Remus to meet Sirius’s eye, the latter giving a nod and half-smile. A simple thank you. A thank you that Remus could’ve killed Sirius himself for because it gave Bellatrix enough time to grab her wand. Battle can be chaotic, and a single mistake can mean the difference between life and death. Mercifully, Sirius stood, and Bellatrix took the disarming as her cue to leave. 

She slipped passed and down the hall, making direct eye contact with Harry and Harry alone. In another flurry of motion, Harry went after her, and there was a scramble to get past the remaining Death Eaters to find him.

~~*~~

No one made it out of the fight unscathed, but some were worse off than others. Most of the students didn’t get the chance to say anything to the Order before they were whisked away back to Madam Pomfrey so the adults could handle the ministry, and everything else. Worse for wear as they were they had chosen this fight twice over now, the kids had it shoved upon them unceremoniously. 

It wasn't until they were back at 12 Grimmauld Place that the seriousness of the situation truly hit Remus. Though he couldn’t argue the importance of getting to the Department of Mysteries once it became clear that the kids were there, he could argue everything else that happened around it. He could argue that Dumbledore had asked them to treat Harry like a child far longer than he had any right to, he could argue that none of this would have happened if Severus had just done his job in teaching Occlumency to Harry,  _ hell _ , he could even argue that their recovery of the teens was handled poorly. All of these things could be true at once. Glad as he was to be back within the grim walls of the Black Estate, he was restless with all of the ways he’d nearly seen Harry and Sirius  _ both _ die within the span of a few hours.

He turned on Sirius the first moment they had alone, “promise me you will never do something so  _ dim-witted _ again.”

Sirius looked affronted for a moment, he was midway through slipping the suit jacket off and paused to look at Remus from where he stood, “what are you talking about?”

“I know that being cooped up in here has driven you mad, but the battlefield is hardly a playground,” Remus started, plainly, crossing his arms and staring unflinchingly at Sirius, “you didn’t see her. I  _ barely _ caught her from killing you, and all you could do was smile and reset your guard. It shouldn’t have gotten to that point, to begin with. What would I- What would Harry have done?

“James and Lily have already died for him, and though I have a few choice words for his actions tonight, I couldn’t stand the idea of you dying too,” Remus continued, his eyes locked on Sirius with an expression that hardly suited his face. 

“I think we both would happily die if it meant Harry lived and their sacrifice wasn't wasted,”

“But you didn’t have to, today, you could have died, and what would it have been for? What would it have done?” Remus stepped closer to him, his voice as strained with frustration as he spoke, “what purpose would it have served if I was only a second too late? Or if Bellatrix was a second quicker? It would have torn Harry apart, and you made him a promise that a day would come where you could take him from his dreadful aunt and uncle and been a  _ real _ family. You could have thrown that all away today because you let yourself lose all caution. You’re hardly invincible, Sirius, and for the thousandth time, I ask you to  _ see  _ that.”

By the time Remus had finished his piece, his frustration had melted into worry, and something else unidentifiable, “all I ask is that for once in your life you don’t trade caution for thrill.”

Sirius sighed and held Remus’s gaze for a long heavy moment. Before he let out a soft smile and put a hand on Remus’s shoulder, “I’m sorry for being an idiot,” 

“I would sure hope so,” Remus responded, but he couldn’t fight his smile. He could never  _ not _ smile when Sirius did, it was just the kind of effect Sirius had on everyone. 

Sirius just gave a soft, amused breath and just hugged Remus tightly, “even if knowing you worry is incredibly validating.”

“You’re awful,” Remus laughed finally, shoving Sirius a bit as they pulled apart.

“I think the word you’re looking for is  _ charming _ ,” Sirius grinned, walking back towards the kitchen where the rest of the Order would likely still be bickering, “now we should hurry before one of them decides that I'm anything except the best.”

Remus rolled his eyes, but he was smiling, “oh because that would do anything to your ego,”

~~*~~

With the humiliation of Voldemort rising, Dumbledore had made certain to set the record straight about Sirius too. They were already made fools of once, and it was made a lot easier to do it again by finally telling the truth of how Sirius was falsely accused without a trial. It was almost comical how desperately the Daily Prophet had to backpedal all of their claims against Harry over the last year  _ and _ about what really happened to Harry’s parents. 

As their term began to end and the Order began to sort out what to do with their new-found liberties made that night in the Department of Mysteries, it became, unfortunately, all the clearer that Harry would be spending at least one more summer with the Dursley’s. Everything taken into consideration, Harry was much safer where it was already proven that Voldemort could not yet reach. 

Dumbledore, thankfully, took the fall for it and told Harry, so no one else had to. 

Against better judgement, however, the Order decided it was about time they gave the Dursley’s a piece of their mind. Remus honestly didn’t even try to stop them, Sirius included. Even while non-muggle parents looked at Sirius in  _ slightly scared _ curiosity and spoke behind their hands of his cleared name. Sirius actually laughed softly at the  _ audible _ gasps of people who were pretending not to watch when Harry  _ readily _ came to join them once he got off the train.

It was wrong to find it so entertaining, and the rest of the Order, save for Tonk’s, seemed uncomfortable with the added attention. Especially since the reminder was that of a bitter time when the two of them and James were betrayed by someone they considered a best friend once.

It was a bitter reminder, but Remus was glad that the public perception was finally changing to face reality. Better, he was glad that Peter’s cowardice had somehow led to a moment where the two remaining Marauders were seen in a light that stood in honour of James, and as two people who have suffered in a way most people shouldn’t. 

“We decided to see you off,” Sirius started, his face breaking into a broad smile at the sight of Harry, “can’t let them think I’ve forgotten them.”

“Thank you,” Harry said, through a smile that looked almost entirely James in a way that stung just a little, “I wasn't sure I’d see you again before summer.”

“He would have found a way to get to you, but I figured it would’ve been harder to explain a dog breaking into your room than it would to have us see you off here,” Remus said pleasantly, “but do still keep an eye out for that, I can only watch him for so long.”

Sirius and Harry laughed in unison, leaving Remus struck with the thought that this was exactly how things should’ve always been. Hermione and Ron slipped off to their families quickly to give them a moment, they were incredibly intuitive friends, and Remus was instantly grateful on Harry’s parent’s behalf. 

After their brief reunion, Sirius shifted his attention to Harry entirely, “on a more serious note, if you need anything at all while with those menaces, I’m only an owl away. The whole Order is, but, specifically, if you could need anything at all, don’t hesitate for a moment to contact me or Remus.”

“Of course, thank you,” 

It was unavoidable that Harry needed to return to the Dursley’s, Lily’s sacrifice meant that her sister’s blood provided the best shield against Voldemort, that didn’t make it any easier to let him go. Not a day would go by while Harry sat at the Dursley’s home alone and miserable that Remus and Sirius  _ both _ wouldn’t worry. Remus had a feeling not a single person gathered on this platform to meet him wouldn’t worry, Molly was fretting enough for all of them all of the summer previous. Worry wouldn’t protect him, though, and as unfortunate as it was, the Dursley’s was the safest place for him outside of Hogwarts. At the very least, until they could be certain, they had a surefire way to protect him from Voldemort at Grimmauld Place. 

Unfortunately, Remus and Sirius knew that the loyalty of someone could not be measured by their words alone. Voldemort may already know where to find the Black home, and even if he doesn’t,  _ anyone _ could be secretly slipping information to the Death Eaters just as Peter had. Then it would be only a matter of time before Harry was hunted and taken to the Dark Lord right under all of their noses.

The Dursley’s were the only way, regardless of how frequently Remus tried to puzzle out another way to protect the boy. 

“So which are they anyway?” Tonk’s asked after a break in the conversation.

Remus gestured to the trio that stood looking various degrees of impatient and uncomfortable as far down the platform they could be while remaining in view, “if I’m not mistaken?”

Harry leaned passed him to look, and nodded simply, “that’s them.”

“Lovely,” Sirius added, “Lily really did get the looks of the family, didn’t she?”

Remus sharply elbowed Sirius, “that’s still her sister.”

“In name only,” Sirius insisted, starting to close the distance towards the family, “all I’m saying is, I’m glad James wound up with Lily.”

Remus didn’t have anything to say against that, because of course, he agreed. Lily was uncommonly kind, and of the little he knew of Petunia, the trait didn’t seem to run in the family. He turned his attention to Harry and just shrugged, gesturing for him to follow as Sirius, Tonks, Moody and the Weasley’s crossed the platform towards the Dursley’s.

“Mr Dursley? I’ve heard a lot about you,” Sirius started before he even stopped walking, and he shifted his gaze to Petunia, “and Petunia, Lily has told me a lot about you as well.”

“You knew Lily?” She hardly asked; it seemed to be more of a surprised reaction rather than a question. 

Remus picked up at that, “of course we did, we were friends of James.”

“Not that there is a single witch or wizard alive who doesn’t know Lily and James Potter by this point,” Tonk’s added.

Sirius let out a small amused breath at that, “I’m Harry’s godfather, it’s a… I suppose it’s not a pleasure to meet you, but we are meeting for the first time. I assume you’ve at least met the Weasley’s,”

“We have met,” Mr Weasley said, with a surprisingly pleasant smile, “I’m sure you remember?”

Recognition flickered across Vernon’s face, and then his face went an alarming red. He looked almost sick, “how could we forget?”

Petunia was looking more  _ horrified _ at finally meeting Harry’s infamous godfather, though, the _ murderer  _ as far as she knew. Strangely though, she looked equally offended at Tonk’s pink hair as she was at Sirius’s presence. 

Remus was pretty sure he could hear the teenagers snickering behind them at the display, and he didn’t have the will to scold them for it. It was a rather humour display these three were putting on. Though, in their defence, it was a strange lot to have turn up unannounced to discuss the well being of their nephew. 

“Don’t think we are unaware of the way Harry is treated in your home,” Molly started firmly, as though scolding the trio, “and we will not stand for it.”

“What right do you have to say what goes on in my home?” Vernon shot but looked like he instantly regrets it when Sirius’s expression darkened. 

Pleasantries were dropped, it seemed. 

“Don’t test your luck, Dursley, you’re lucky one of us doesn’t hex the lot of you now for the way you’ve treated him over the years,” he shot, his tone pure venom.

Remus placed a hand on Sirius’s wand arm to prevent him from reaching for it, “for now, we warn you that if we don’t hear from him regularly, one of us will come to pay a direct visit to your home to check on his well being ourselves.”

“Three days,” Moody interjected, “if we don’t hear from him three days in a row, then I think we’d have more than enough reason to be knockin’ on your door.”

When he spoke, he tilted his hat enough to reveal his single false eye swivelling in its place on his face. That seemed to be enough to silence all three of them.

Sirius turned to Harry, “you have any trouble, and we’ll handle it, okay?”

“Okay,” Harry responded, hugging him again, “see you soon?”

“As soon as possible,” Remus assured surely, and Sirius nodded in agreement.

That instigated the goodbye hugs, handshakes and well wishes. Harry made sure to say goodbye to each of them before heading off with the Dursley’s to their car. Sirius looked as though he was fighting following them, but Remus just patted his arm to get his attention, before they all returned to their respective homes for the summer.

There was no happiness for Harry at the Dursley’s, but all they could do was hope that their little warning would make it more bearable for him while they were apart.

##  Two

Harry’s trunk and Hedwig arrived late Thursday evening without ceremony. 

It just appeared after dinner after everyone was retiring to bed. Harry was next, arriving equally as unceremoniously in the Weasley livingroom. It was hours after Sirius and Remus had arrived, but neither of them was particularly the type to sleep at normal times at night. Between Sirius losing all semblance of a sleep schedule in Azkaban, and never even attempting to regain it, and Remus basically already living off coffee, to begin with, they were always the last to bed. Hardly an exception. 

“Harry,” Remus started, the first to notice him from where he sat next to Sirius on the couch. He stood as soon as they locked eyes, “what a wonderful surprise, it’s good to see you.”

Harry glanced between the two of them, but Sirius stood and crossed the room, wrapping his arms around Harry in a hug as soon as they were within reach, “it’s good to see you, my boy.”

“It’s good to see you too, both of you,” Harry responded softly, stepping back only to hug Remus as well. 

He didn’t get much more of a word out before he was pulled into a tight hug by Molly, “oh, Harry, it’s so wonderful to see you, why didn’t you tell us you were coming? Are you hungry?”

“Dumbledore,” he responded, smiling as she pulled back, “I’m fine.”

“Oh, what are we ever going to do with him? But we’d be nowhere without him, I suppose,” she pets his head a bit, smiling, “let me make you a spot of tea, alright?”

Harry nodded, but she was already off, and he was being wrapped back up in reunions with the rest of the members of the house. Remus fell back and stood at Sirius’s side, crossing his arms. 

“He looks happier,” Remus commented softly.

Sirius smiled and nodded, “I think anyone would look happier if they didn’t have that shotty professor to worry about back at Hogwarts.”

“Deloris?”

“That’s the one,” he looked back towards Remus from Harry, “thank goodness you resigned before she became a professor, eh, Remus?”

Remus laughed mirthlessly, giving him a half-smile, “I suppose that could have been quite unfortunate if I hadn’t.”

The truth is, not even Dumbledore could have protected him from the legislation Deloris herself had a say in against Werewolves. If he had still been there, there was a chance he wound up dead or in Azkaban before the students even sat their examinations at the end of term. It was easier to forget that, however, when Sirius was teasing him about it. 

Sirius laughed softly at that, “how are you so polite?”

“One of us needs to be,” 

Harry shifted his attention back to the two of them again as Molly brought a tea for the group, setting it on a tray on the coffee table in front of them while everyone resumed a place to sit. Remus and Sirius retake their seats on the couch, Harry sat next to Sirius, and the rest of the crowd filling every other available seat possible. 

“I hope your summer wasn't too dreadful, Harry,” Sirius started, looking at his godson.

Harry just gave a bemused smile, rolling his eyes, “only a bit, but a bit is the best given the nature of them.”

“I shouldn’t have to be paying them a visit then?” 

Harry laughed, “I don’t think that’s necessary, but you do make a good threat.” 

“Is that so?” Sirius laughed, “did you hear that, Moony? I make a good threat,”

“Too bad you’re much more bark than you are bite then,” Remus responded without even looking at him, “sorry you had to go back there, Harry, we’re still working on a way to solve that.”

“It’s truthfully not so bad,” Harry assured them, looking between the two of them and sipping his tea, “not since all of you all threatened to hex them, at least.”

“Well then, it looks like we’ll have to make a habit of it,” Sirius added.

Molly made a bit of an indignant sound, “we are not meant to be running around threatening muggles,”

Harry laughed at the comment. Remus was glad to see the boy so delighted by being here and wished there’d been a chance to return him here earlier. Even if returning for the whole summer would be asking for Voldemort to kill Harry, he could only hope that they’d find a solution to have him here by Christmas again. 

Eventually, the conversation wound down, and the majority of the group slipped upstairs to rest. Leaving Sirius and Remus downstairs again, where they sat and talked until there was almost no sense in sleeping at all. Thus leading to them being embarrassingly sluggish morning for Sirius, but as Remus was used to being exhausted and living off caffeine, there was hardly a difference.

~~*~~

Christmas couldn’t come fast enough. 

The weather began to turn towards snow, and multiple moons passed before Christmas drew near enough for the Weasley house to be bustling with preparations. Garland decorated every viable surface and was pinned to every window sill, better, the house smelt continuously of cinnamon apple. 

The teens were scheduled to return in a few day’s time, so there was a healthy amount of preparations to be worried about before the house was overrun by the Weasley children and company. Molly invited Remus and Sirius to arrive before the teenagers to avoid any further chaos, and, seeing as the full moon would land on Christmas Eve, she figured giving them a safe place to transform would be the best thing they could do for him.

Moody had resisted, suggesting that if they weren’t careful, then Remus could wind up killed or killing someone, but Sirius swore to them he’d watch him. It did, unfortunately, mean that Remus was various degrees of tired and irritable in the days leading up to the moon. Even with the Wolfsbane that Dumbledore had provided without question upon the official formation of the Order of the Pheonix.

As such, they stayed behind while the Weasley’s went to collect everyone from platform 9 ¾. The days immediately leading up to the full moon were always the worst, without counting the moon itself, of course.

“Dreadful timing,” Sirius commented, handing Remus a coffee and sitting at his side.

“Unfortunately, I don’t believe any of us have a say,” Remus responded, taking the mug, “thank you.”

He stared at the wall across from them, his pupils seemed large enough to make his eyes look distant and nearly black. In a way, they only got when his mind was doing everything in its power to undermine him.

“You should try to rest through most of tomorrow, I’m sure no one will mind,”

Remus just nodded, holding the mug in both hands to warm his fingers, with the rim held to his lower lip as though he were thinking. He was always cold, but it was actually winter at this point. 

It took him a long time to say anything else, “have you noticed anything odd?” 

“Odd? Like Severus odd? Or like Moody odd?”

“Alastor isn’t odd, he is just blunt,” 

“No kidding,” Sirius responded, through an amused smile, “what do you mean then?”

Remus picked his next words carefully, never taking his eyes off the far wall, “I have an awful feeling, but I can’t quite put my finger on what it could be.”

Sirius straightened up at that a little, sobering a bit from their previous teasing enough to finally draw Remus’s attention to him fully.

“It’s probably just the… how was it you and James phrased it? My _furry little problem_ was it?” 

Sirius managed to laugh at the memory, but he did hold his expression of concern, “James was always good at making clever little names like that.”

“Though I do worry what other people thought when they heard you refer to that out of context,” 

Sirius genuinely laughed at that, “I never thought about that.”

“I don’t imagine either of you did,” Remus smiled. 

“Well you can hardly blame us, we had to use something,” Sirius shrugged, but he gently bumped Remus with his shoulder, “now finish up, the cavalry will be arriving any minute and then finding time to rest will be a bit of a battle.” 

“Lovely,” Remus responded lightly, but he was smiling none the less and brought the mug up to his lips properly. The feeling didn’t settle or leave, it was only masked by whatever feeling it was that Sirius brought him. It didn’t grow or shrink, it remained stagnant as the seconds ticked by and his tea dwindled to empty in his cup. He didn’t try to name it, he didn’t try to identify it, against better judgement, he pushed it down into his chest where he could deal with it later.

Though for the rest of the evening, his eyes drifted out the window to the rows of corn, and he found himself wondering how many people could hide in the field undetected. He wondered if someone was looking back at him from the corn out of sight, as he was looking at them unseeing from where he sat in the relative safety of the Borrow. 

##  Three

Sometimes, Remus hated being right.

The entire next day, as the Weasley’s prepared a Christmas Eve lunch, (a day early, but they insisted that they wanted to be sure that everyone could be included in the festivities regardless of the full moon), Remus was on edge. Everyone was, that was a given, Harry was even a little more test-y than usual when it came to Voldemort, but no one could blame him. Remus had been too, but it wasn't like this. The general anxiety around the war was constant but dull, far enough into the future that it wasn't all-consuming. Whatever this was, started the night before, and only grew throughout the following day.

It started as a low, barely noticeable humming, and slowly began to take all of his attention. As dinner began to wrap up and everyone was talking and laughing, Remus had his eyes locked out the window at the once again darkened cornfield.

“Professor Lupin, is everything alright?” Hermione asked. 

There was a four-second delay between her question and his gaze focusing and turning to her, “yes, everything is quite alright, just distracted,” he gave a pleasant smile, “and no need to call me professor anymore.”

“Sorry, habit,” she responded quickly.

He shook his head at the apology, but it suddenly felt like he was _resisting_ the urge to look back out the window. The feeling of being watched was much more overwhelming when he wasn't looking out at the field for the source. He could see Sirius watching him out of the corner of his eye, but pretended he hadn’t noticed.

“Maybe you should rest, Remus,” Tonk’s suggested softly as conversation picked back up around them. 

Remus looked at her, then out the window, narrowing his eyes a bit to see if he could catch a glimpse of the moon from here. Surely that was the source of this feeling, “perhaps,” he agreed after a moment.

Then, there was a shift in the corn, and somewhere in his gut, _he knew_ that someone was out there. He could feel it in his chest, and as soon as he saw the corn move, the silhouette came into view, and his world narrowed.

“Get down,” Remus suddenly said, urgently, and despite his words, he stood up and went to the door.

As soon as the words left his mouth, all of the windows on the base floor of the Weasley home exploded inward. Glass shattered all over the floor, onto every surface, and everyone but Remus dove for cover from the glass shattering at every angle. 

Remus threw open the door. Then stood on the porch, looking outward as the corn immediately in front of him sparked into a raging fire that spread in a perfect line around them. They were trapped. 

“Remus!” Sirius shouted, and only a split second later, his hand was on Remus’s arm, pulling him inside.

The door remained open. Bellatrix apparated in a cloud of black smoke in front of the flames, beaming. “Wonderful to see you, dear cousin,” she chimed, “send out the boy, and no one needs to die.”

Her tone was entirely false, and the bloodlust in her eyes told the truth for her. In a flurry of spells and hexes, Sirius and Bellatrix were locked in a back and forth that resulted in only further damage to the Weasley home. It drew out Mr. and Mrs Weasley both, but Remus saw what they didn’t. Someone else was out there, watching them. Trying to draw him out.

The back and forth between Bellatrix and Sirius moved away from the house. The Weasley’s wound up, desperately trying to extinguish the flames. They were trying to draw the adults from the house.

“Tonk’s do whatever you have to to keep them out of the house!” Remus shouted. He felt as though he couldn’t think straight, but something primal had taken over his brain. A sick, _familiar_ feeling taking up all of the available space in his brain that could only mean one thing. Something had clicked all the pieces into place in his head, and he knew who was in the corn. Waiting for him.

Sirius glanced over when he heard Remus shout, “what are you doing?”

_Nothing good_ he wanted to say, but he couldn’t form words. He drew his wand just as he heard Harry approach from behind to join the fight. Just as three more Death Eaters apparated to threaten the home. 

“Harry, get back inside!” Remus shouted over the chaos.

Harry looked at him, wand drawn, “no! I’m going to fight!”

Remus didn’t have time to argue. He had to draw the man lurking in the corn as far from the house as possible, he looked at Sirius, “watch him.”

Before Sirius could even finish asking him what he was doing, Remus had run into the flames. He parted them in front of himself and slipped into the corn.

~~*~~

The sound of the battle and the flames were drowned out a bit by the thickness of the field around him. The stocks made it well above even his head, and he was trudging through shin-deep mud and water as quickly as he could. All around him, there was the sound of the stocks cracking and brushing against each other with movement. Someone was following him, and as he broke through into an opening, the question of who it was answered nearly on sight.

“Expeliarmus!” Remus shouted, his voice tight and coming out through puffs of air.

A laugh rang out in the direction he’d just pointed his wand, and the shadows broke to a face. A face that had haunted his nightmares for just about 30 years. “I hardly need to be armed, though, I suppose you wouldn’t know that. How old were you again? Five, was it? Six? Hardly could have defended yourself even if you’d wanted to.”

“Stupify!” Remus tried, but Fenrir was too quick. 

He slipped back into the corn out of sight. In a flurry of jinxes and charms, Remus attempted to prevent Fenrir from losing interest in him, but also, from getting to close. The idea of him getting too close to someone in the house and scratching or biting them scared him more than facing him did. The full moon was still a day away, which meant the bite wouldn’t turn them, but it would never heal, and merlin only knows what else.

“I’m hurt, Lupin, I was sure you’d thank me,” 

Remus shot another spell the direction of his voice to no effect. Whether it be through Greyback’s agility or Remus beginning to panic, the spell missed the mark. 

Fenrir stepped back into sight, grinning a wild toothy grin that was more wolf than man, “no? Well, I suppose death would have been more convenient for you, maybe I should correct that mistake.”

Remus was careful to only move in a direction away from the Burrow. In slow, careful, deliberate motions backwards to avoid suspicion. He didn’t want to let Greyback figure out that he was trying to keep the other werewolf away from humans. Greyback had let his Lycanthropy take him over, and his face was wolfish even in human form, and his mind was _all_ predator. It was too dangerous to let him near people who could be seriously harmed by him.

His own body was tired and aching, his mind was blurred, but he was always subconsciously resisting that part of himself. He wasn't going to give in like Greyback had, which means at this moment, Greyback was faster, stronger, and more aware than Remus could be. The moon was the next night, and his body was protesting, and wearing itself out. 

“Remus!” 

Both Fenrir and Remus’s gazes were instantly drawn by the voice. Over the fire, through the corn and all the distance Remus had tried to put between them, the voice still made it. 

His first thought was a resounding and desperate, _no_. His second was the desperate desire to _save them_. Whoever it was, in the multiple people trying to reach him now, he needed to warn them.

In one second, both he and Fenrir were in a mad sprint. In the same direction towards the voices. Remus’s legs protested. His lungs burned. He couldn’t hear the voices over his own heart. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Greyback running. In lockstep, both of them covered the distance between the voice and themselves. 

Within a second of catching Greyback out of the corner of his eye, he was charged. Fenrir swiped at him, catching Remus across the arm as he ducked out of the way. He gripped to his wand like his life depended on it, wrestling to keep Fenrir from killing him and to somehow break free enough to run again. 

“Confundus!” He tried desperately. Greyback’s attack was paused and frozen by the spell. It gave Remus just enough time to break free again and run for it. 

Then something hit him. “Confringo!”

The stocks in front of Greyback burst into flames, but Remus’ didn’t stop running. He couldn’t see if Greyback followed, so every chance he got, he turned around and cast spells in the general direction of behind him. Blindly. 

In one moment, he glanced behind him, the next he collided with someone, “what are you doing?” Sirius asked, his tone almost angry with concern.

Remus’s heart dropped, “we can’t stop,” he said urgently, his mind fuzzy from running and effect the lunar cycle was having on his body.

“What were you thinking?” Sirius asked, taking part of Remus’s weight and lighting the end of his wand to look around the dark field.

“It’s Greyback,” Remus managed through his laboured breathing, “I couldn’t let him get close.”

Sirius’s expression darkened, his eyes remained locked on the field around him as he began to guide Remus back to the Burrow steadily, “where?”

“I set the field on fire, to buy time,” Remus shook his head clear of the fog that had taken over in his panic.

“He’s alone then,” Sirius assured, “Bellatrix and the other’s are gone, we forced them back. If he hasn’t realized that yet, then he will soon.”

Remus just nodded, he couldn’t remember the last time he felt so tired, “have someone reinforce the protection charms,” he said grimly, “and one of us should take watch for the night. He- I don’t know what he’s plotting. He’s dangerous, and he’s hardly without others. With the moon-”

“Oh, dear, what happened?” Molly asked in a hurry as soon as the two of them came into view. 

Remus couldn’t bring himself to finish his sentence. If Greyback had _happily_ turned a six-year-old child, he would gladly do the same to any single one of her children. If the Dark Lord had recruited Greyback and his followers, there could be hundreds of werewolves out in those fields right now waiting for an opening… and the full moon was only a day away. The logical part of his brain knew all of that, he had figured all of that out the instant he realized that what he had been feeling was another werewolf, the one who turned him no less. Yet, the human part of his brain got hung up on the latter part, that this was the werewolf who’d done this to him. 

That scared him more than he was willing to admit. 

~~*~~

Christmas Eve was otherwise uneventful. 

There was an undeniable tension, but that wasn't unusual. The adults had used every protection charm they knew, working around the clock to protect them. Yet, it didn’t feel like enough. Remus spent the entire day resting, partially from his almost mauling the day before, and partly because the full moon was only hours away now. Sirius fluctuated from being downstairs with Harry and coming upstairs to sit with him. 

As grateful as Remus was for his company, he insisted he stay with Harry. He knew how much the boy meant to him and how much he meant to Harry in return. His Lycanthrope and his run-in with Greyback was not going to ruin their Christmas Eve, he’d decided. They had 12 years of Christmas’s to catch up on as is, he wasn't going to make it 13.

Sirius wasn't having it.

“You look awful,” Sirius teased as he sat down on the chair next to him, handing him the Wolfbane and some painkiller potion.

“I’m sure I’ve looked worse,” Remus responded dryly, “thank you,” he added as he took the two potions from him.

Sirius laughed softly at the comment, “I’m not sure you have, it’s not often that you get mauled.”

“Did you come here only to insult me?”

“No, I brought your potions as well,” Sirius said simply, leaning back in the chair and smiling.

“Your kindness knows no end,” Remus couldn’t fight his smile as he spoke that time.

As he drank both potions in quick succession to each other, Sirius watched. Injuries from a werewolf never heal, and though most of Remus’s body was riddled in scars, most were self-inflicted during a full moon, and the new ones were fresh enough to sit stark against his pale skin. Remus could see Sirius’s concerned gaze follow the lines without a word.

“You shouldn’t have run off alone,” Sirius finally said after a few moments of heavy silence.

Remus just sighed, “I realize I was hypocritical.”

“You don’t say,” Sirius’s tone was mirthless, and he finally met Remus’s eyes, “so then why did you?”

“I couldn’t let him reach one of the kids,” Remus’s response was simple, and he leaned over to set the empty glasses on the wood bedside table.

“Remus, I would have come with you,”

“And get bitten? Or scratched?” Remus reminded softly, his voice without bite, he was just tired, “there is nothing he can do to me that hasn’t already been done. If there is ever a chance to draw him, or any werewolf for that matter, away from you, or Harry, or anyone else… what kind of person would I be if I didn’t do it?”

Sirius sighed heavily, letting out an airy, pained breath, “and you call yourself a coward.”

“It was hardly bravery, Sirius,” Remus looked away, across the room directly ahead of him, “it was foolishness and simple power of deduction.”

“It looked a lot like bravery to me, but you’re the boss,” Sirius responded simply, standing up and patting Remus’s shoulder as he did, “rest, for now, I’ll be back before the sun sets and we’ll go back to Grimmauld Place for the moon.”

“What of Greyback?”

“No sign of him, but even if there were, no living thing could pass those defences right now,” he responded simply, collecting the empty potion glasses, “if something bad happens, Molly knows where we are and how to contact us.”

Remus didn’t retort. He wanted to, he wanted to say that he’d go back alone. That he’d let them chain him outside in the shed the whole night if they had to. Instead, he let Sirius return to Harry without opening his mouth again. He was too tired to argue, and a selfish part of him didn’t want to spend the night alone again. After countless moons alone in the wake of Lily and James’s deaths… one more felt like a death sentence. Especially with Sirius right here, willing to join him again with no questions asked. 

##  Four

The full moon was awful.

That is to say, the full moon is as it always was. If anything, it was more bearable than usual. If only because the combination of the Wolfsbane potion and Sirius laying next to him in his animagus form had helped him relax. Instead of the hopeless pacing and desperate attempts to sleep or the long nights of pain and nothingness that lead to waking up, hoping the blood everwhere was his own, he rested. Instead of what he’d grown used to again since the night James died, or perhaps before then, he felt okay. 

It hurt like a bitch. It was miserable. He spent most of the night worried he’d missed a dosage of Wolfsbane, or that Sirius would leave him alone, but mercifully it passed. Sirius had stayed up the whole night, even as Remus drifted in and out, and before the moon slipped behind the horizon, he wrapped a blanket around the wolf form. After that, it was as simple as waiting for the transformation to undo itself. 

Going into the werewolf form always hurt more than coming out of it, but it was like the difference between breaking one leg and breaking two. At some point, the pain is so overwhelming and all-consuming that any difference isn’t noticeable.

They returned to the Burrow after they’d both washed up and properly dressed. This put their arrival at about 11 am, but no amount of getting ready could hide that both of them were quite tired. Remus was limping a bit against his aching bones that felt like they were creaking under his weight, and he was supporting his weight partially on the low cane he always used. Back at Hogwarts, his body bounced back a lot quicker. In those days, it was more about Wolfsbane not existing yet, and the wolf clawing at itself. Now, it was about his body slowly losing the battle against the monthly transformations. 

Sirius didn’t say anything, but Remus had a feeling he was thinking the same thing. Werewolves age a lot quicker than the average person, partially due to the strain on their body and the stress on their minds. Remus was nearly 40, his body was beginning deteriorate in a way he always knew it would.

“Welcome back,” Tonk’s smiled the second they walked through the door, standing from the armchair she’d been sitting in it and moving to sit on the arm of the couch. She didn’t need to say anything for Sirius to all but force Remus to sit down before leaning against the chair himself.

Remus just smiled gratefully at Tonks, but Sirius spoke, “anything happen while we were gone?”

“Thankfully, nothing noteworthy,” Molly assured, handing both Remus and Sirius a coffee as soon as she entered the room.

“A few sounds from outside the protection charms,” Bill added, glancing at Remus, “none of us went to investigate, but they didn’t sound like normal wolves.”

Remus nodded, he’d been focused on the coffee in both of his hands, but he met Bill’s eyes regardless, “I imagine they’re still out there then.”

“What should we do then?” Harry asked, more towards Sirius than Remus, and for a moment, he wondered if he was avoiding talking about werewolves directly towards him. Nearly everyone in the room was seemingly uncomfortable in some way or another about it, not that he could blame them. He was a werewolf, and if they’re lucky, he’ll be the only werewolf they meet. 

Remus responded anyways, “absolutely nothing, if they’re still here by the end of the day tomorrow then we can talk about doing something, but the last thing we can risk is one of you getting bitten or scratched by them. Even if it isn’t a full moon, it doesn’t mean it won’t cause you serious damage or change you in some way. All we can hope is that because the full moon has passed,d they’ll leave for the time being.”

It was hard to find room for argument when he would know better than anyone the pain of being one, let alone the damage they can do. He has enough scars riddling his own body that are proof enough that they should steer clear of werewolves if they can. 

He did look out the window at that, though, and his focus remained distant for a moment, “I don’t think they’re here now anyway, it could be the protection charm but… I could tell that Greyback was here the other night and through most of yesterday.” 

“You could tell?” Hermione asked, looking from Remus to Harry, then back to Remus, “so then he was the one who..?”

It never failed to surprise him how sharp and bright Hermione could be at times, but he wished this had been an exception, “I haven’t come across him much since, so I didn’t realize _that_ was how I could tell he was near.”

He had the startling realization that it wasn't dissimilar to Harry knowing when Voldemort was near. Though this was different. Harry and Voldemort could see through each other’s eyes and harm each other, Remus just felt a pit of dread in his stomach and felt as though he was being watched. He couldn’t quantify it. 

But now that the conversation has switched onto him, and his history with Greyback, he was uncomfortable. Sirius put a hand on Remus’s far shoulder, gently rubbing his back from where he stood and spoke for him “I suppose all that matters is that he is gone now, so we can properly celebrate Christmas without that git looming over us all day.”

“That’s a wonderful way to look at it, our first proper Christmas with all of us together,” Molly smiled, delighted.

Remus was grateful for the diversion and turned his attention back to the coffee in his hands to avoid making unwanted eye contact at the moment. 

##  Five

Dumbledore was dead.

Remus was sitting with Bill at the Hogwarts infirmary when Harry just came out and said it. His first thought was _no_ , and he might have even said it out loud, but his mind went blank the moment the words left the boy’s mouth. He put his face in his hands and didn’t hear anything else. His rational mind had left, for now, crumbling under the weight of everything. Greyback had attacked Bill, and if that wasn't bad enough on his psyche, now the one person who had any idea of how to fight Voldemort was dead.

Dead by Snape’s hand.

Irrational as it was, part of him wondered for a split moment that if they were kinder to him in school if none of this would have happened. By the sounds of it, it wouldn’t have mattered. If it wasn't Severus, it was Draco, if it wasn't Draco it was Bellatrix. Grief didn’t lend to rationality.

Dimly, he could hear Sirius curse under his breath and shift where he was standing. He didn’t look up, he just folded in on himself. Even as the conversation continued between Harry, McGonagall, the other kids, and even Sirius chimed in at times, he couldn’t form words. Eventually, Molly sent the kids to collect their things, Hogwarts was no longer safe without Dumbledore, and an agreement must have been made to send them home tonight pending a solution. 

Harry would go back to the Dursley’s, which was just the addition to this slowly growing pile of _pain_ that was becoming overwhelming. When Sirius came to sit next to him again, neither of them said anything. If there was anyone else there, they equally said nothing. An arm wrapped around his shoulders, but neither of them said anything. He knew it was Sirius, not many people touched him. 

After a few moments, he just lightly leaned against them, and the two of them sat in almost complete silence. The kind of silence that was so heavy it forced the air in the room out and was so quiet it was virtually anxiety-inducing. 

“Let’s get out of here for now,” Sirius finally said after a _long_ silence. 

Remus just nodded, and finally opened his eyes. Molly was still there, and Fleur, but that wasn't a surprise. Everyone else was gone.

Sirius stood first, offering a hand to help Remus stand, drawing Molly’s eyes. She gave them both a good-natured smile but looked back at Bill’s hand without a word. There was hardly anything to say in the wake of awful tragedy and horror. Remus considered saying something, but Sirius tugged him away and into the hall where Tonk’s was waiting. She looked pale, but he had a feeling that was a running theme amongst everyone right now.

She looked between both boys and actually lingered her gaze on Sirius for just long enough to be noticed, before turning to hug Remus, “it’s not your fault. Bill, I mean.”

He nodded, hugging her back just as tightly. He didn’t know what to say to that, because he would blame himself for not jumping between Greyback and Bill for the rest of his life. She didn’t need to hear that, in a way, he had a feeling she already knew. 

They stayed like that for a moment, until she stepped back and gave them both a grim smile, “get some rest boys, both of you,” her tone was light, but he could tell it was false. Like she was trying to hold it together for them more than herself or anything else.

“Are you staying?” Remus asked.

“I’ll be here until the kids are on the move back to their homes for the summer,” she shrugged, tucking her hands into her dark jacket, “if you want me to give you a ring before they get moving, consider it done.”

Sirius nodded, “please.”

“On it,” Tonk’s grinned at Sirius, and Remus thought for a moment that they’d somehow communicated wordlessly, before she looked back at him, “see you soon.”

With that, she slipped past them and into the infirmary without another word. Sirius just took Remus’s arm and drew him from his thoughts, “let’s go.”

~~*~~

No one could apparate or disapparate on the grounds of Hogwarts, so they made their way to Hogsmeade. The journey wasn't long, but neither of them spoke, and it felt out of place to be leaving Hogwarts after everything happened. There was nothing they could do till the next day when the kids were meant to be moved, and for now, Remus couldn’t stand the ideas of walking those halls any longer given the circumstances. 

Sirius seemed to be thinking the same thing, as he was leaving urgently enough that Remus was actually struggling to catch up until they made it to the almost desolate city. This was almost equally too much for either of them, and the Shrieking Shack was obviously out of the question, so they just returned to Grimmauld Place for the time being. To wait out the first throws of grief, and to wait for the signal to return to Hogwarts.

“Things aren’t going the direction we’d hoped for,” Remus started when they were settled back in Sirius’s old room. It was the only place that didn’t harbour too many reminders of Sirius’s parents, so when the Order wasn't around, it was often the only place they spent any amount of time.

Sirius looked at Remus as he sat down on the end of the bed, “it’s not over.”

“No,” Remus agreed, “so long as Harry lives, it’s not over.”

“I’ll kill that greasy bastard myself the next time I see him,” Sirius’s voice was bitter, vicious. Remus didn’t need to ask who he was talking about.

“I can’t imagine you’re the only one who hopes to kill him,” Remus agreed, though he didn’t think he’d be able to do it. 

They both sat in silence again for a long moment, before Sirius sighed, moving over to sit closer to Remus. He wrapped an arm around him, silently, rubbing his far shoulder comfortingly before speaking, “Tonk’s is right, you know that right?”

“I suppose I know I didn’t call Greyback to Hogwarts or throw Bill directly in the line of danger,” Remus agreed. 

“That’s not the same as knowing it wasn't your fault,” 

Remus just gave him an exasperated side-eye, “I know.” 

Sirius just sighed, meeting Remus’s eyes and _holding_ the look, “you’re not a bad person, and you can’t take on every bad thing werewolves do. I firmly believe that everyone has a little light and dark in them, and that doesn’t make you a bad person,” he paused but spoke before Remus could, “but I can’t think of anything about you that I would call _dark_.”

“Sirius, I’m a werewolf,”

“That doesn’t automatically mean you’re a bad person,” Sirius responded, gently shoving Remus’s shoulder, “the Ministry might say so, but you were the best prefect Gryffindor has ever seen.”

“I wouldn’t say best,” Remus responded, but a small laugh pulled at his lips.

Sirius rolled his eyes, “don’t be humble about it, everyone liked you.”

“I let you and James get away with far too much,”

“We all liked you for that _very_ much, besides, if the professors had a problem with it, James wouldn’t have been Head Boy,”

“I guess,” Remus held his smile, and gently leaned against Sirius, “but James being a great Head Boy had everything to do with him growing up, and nothing to do with me being a good prefect.”

“Hardly, where did he learn to grow up from?”

Remus let out an amused breath, shaking his head, “I highly doubt that.”

Sirius chuckled, ruffling up Remus’s hair, “and from what I heard, you were the best Defence Against the Dark Art’s teacher Harry and his classmates ever had.” 

“I don’t think that’s a particularly high bar to clear, I came off the heals of Gilderoy Lockheart,” Remus rolled his eyes, “the position is cursed, or so the kids believe.”

“You sell yourself a bit short,” Sirius insisted.

Remus just shrugged, tired, and just changed the subject, “what are we going to do?”

“Keep going, that’s all we can do,”

Remus sighed, and was quiet for a long moment, “I can’t imagine two kinder people to bring a son into this world, and now, the boy has to fight a war we shouldn’t have left him with, to begin with.”

“Voldemort will die for what he did, I believe that,” Sirius said softly, “and if we’re lucky, Peter will too.”

It was still strange to speak so poorly of Peter, but Remus couldn’t think of anything nice to say about their old friend. All he feels now is hatred, betrayal and disgust towards the man he’d once considered a dear friend, “I can’t believe that for so long, we didn’t see it. For 12 years, I believed you’d honestly switched sides. Though it never sat right with me, you and James were more brothers than you were friends.” 

“I imagine it was easy to believe their ministry did their job and gave me a fair trial,” Sirius said simply, “I hardly have a better excuse for thinking _you_ were the spy, enough to not tell you that Peter was the secret keeper.”

“I can’t blame you for that,” Remus assured him, finally meeting Sirius’s eyes.

Sirius sighed, “I think between my ego and your inability to see any worth in yourself, we might have let him slip by undetected. Not that I can blame either of us, I never thought in a million years he would be the one to switch sides, he was always too afraid of violent people like that.”

“In a way, I think that’s why we should have noticed earlier,” Remus gave a bitter smile, “at school, you and James were the most influential people, and he was safe hiding behind you, but once school was over, it was Voldemort who held all the cards. Peter was a coward, and he wanted to hide behind the biggest bully on the playground.”

“I guess we thought too highly of him,” Sirius agreed, shrugging, “but I suppose war has a way of showing you who your real allies are.”

Remus nodded, “I think you’re right.”

Sirius stood after a moment, turning off the light and taking his shoes off before stretching back out on his back on the bed. They’d have an early morning tomorrow, and once the kids were safe, they’d have a whole day of talking and replanning with the Order. Assuming that would take a day was generous, they’d likely be back here again with the entire Order and spend the rest of the week talking on and off. Remus laid down on the other side of the bed on his side, facing Sirius. Sirius was staring at the ceiling, his arms behind his head looking like he was stargazing more than he was trying to sleep.

It was hard to believe how much time had gone where their friendship was strained before Sirius was arrested. Now, it was like none of that time had passed. It was like building forts in the Gryffindor common room on their last Christmas at Hogwarts, or the many times all four of them would fall asleep out beneath a tree at the end of term as the weather turned up. Now, however, they were both in their late thirties, and a little worse for wear. 

They were the only two remaining marauders, as far as anyone was concerned. Wormtail was a traitor and may as well be dead to them, and Prongs the victim of the betrayal. Leaving only Moony and Padfoot, an incomplete set with more damaged parts than whole. Left in the aftermath, with the only hope of James’s legacy now the target of the war that tore them apart, to begin with.

Sirius looked over after a few moments, and they locked eyes. Neither of them smiled, their minds were following the same path of pain and grief. Eventually, Sirius just shifted, taking Remus’s hand, and they both tried to sleep in the wake of another devastating tragedy to strike down on their lives right as things had started to look as though they’d get better. 

##  Six

The Dursley’s house was empty, nothing like how it would have looked while Harry lived here.

With all signs of life taken from the home, it could have belonged to anyone. A completely ordinary suburban muggle home, but as Sirius and Remus arrived towards the end of summer, he could tell that this place hosted no love for Harry. That, and both of them spotted the cupboard under the stairs, with a lock on the _outside_ made to keep someone in. Remus couldn’t look for long, and he pulled Sirius into the living room with everyone else.

“Sirius, Remus,” Harry started, surprised and smiling as they entered. 

Sirius lit up as he always did at the sight of Harry, he pulled the boy into a hug and ruffed up his hair, “sorry for keeping you waiting.”

“Not at all, it’s good to see you,” it looked as though either one of them was about to continue the reunion, but they were abruptly interrupted by Madeye.

“Wonderful reunion, quite touching, but we need to hurry this up and get him the hell out of here before someone kills him,” he said urgently, but Remus couldn’t help but smile.

He stepped aside and next to Tonk’s, who grinned a little and elbowed him. He followed her to the back of the room out of the way, they would be protecting one of the Harry’s, not taking the Polyjuice potion. It was a plan just ridiculous enough to work -- hopefully. 

Sirius followed shortly behind them, they all made sure one of them was looking out the window at all times, but it was hard to not get a little distracted by the hijinx in the room around them. Especially as the number of Harry’s in the room slowly increased. 

They were off as soon as they could be, and almost instantly, all hell broke loose. The chaos of everything made it hard to register any of what was going on. He knew his main priority for the moment was protecting George, as far as anyone knew George was Harry, but that wasn't it. He couldn’t live with himself if he failed to protect him. Though, it wound up being more of a balance. George, right up until the moment he was struck on the side of the head, was brilliantly keeping them at bay. Losing the Death Eater’s was a fight, and it was only made worse when George was hit and too dazed to fight them off. 

But somehow, they made it. Sirius had been meant to be extra eyes on Mandungus, but he was standing outside the Burrow while Remus touched down with George. In his gut, he knew that was wrong, and honestly, Sirius looked like he was favouring a leg. Molly urgently came to swoop in and take George inside to lay down, and Sirius quickly hugged Remus.

“What happened?” Remus asked urgently, returning the hug.

Sirius shook his head, “Mandungus disapparated the second there was any sign of danger, Madeye and I switched our focus to Bill and Fleur, but Madeye was hit.”

“Are you okay?” Remus asked, finally pulling back, but one hand remained on Sirius’s shoulder, “and Harry? Is he back yet?”

“I’m fine, Harry’s fine,”

“How did they know?” 

Sirius just shook his head, “someone must have tipped them off.”

Just as he said that more people began to arrive, and the chaos settled into grim realization. Thing’s weren’t safe anymore, anywhere, but in some ways, Remus had hoped that for the first time, things could have gone alright. With the wedding coming up now, and Harry finally being back with people who cared about him and his safety… he’d hoped things would have worked out.

~~*~~

As everyone began to settle into bed for the night, Remus and Sirius remained awake.

It wasn't unusual for them, but the battle in the sky had worn them out just as equally as anyone else. This wasn't about nightmares, aching bones, and tormented memories; there was something unspoken lingering between them that they’d been avoiding all this time. If Remus let himself be honest, it had always been there. Hovering in the background of their conversations. Once before, it had been close enough to touch, but for many reasons, they’d lost grasp of it. Now, all these years later, after nearly dying in an operation that should have been easy, that unspoken thing between them demanded to be brought out into the room.

“Walk with me?” Sirius prompted after everyone had long since turned in. It was probably close to 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning by this point, but Remus pushed himself to his feet.

They both stepped out into the brisk night air and started a slow, deliberate walk around the Weasley home. Remus told himself that it would be good to patrol anyways, just to be safe, but he knew that it was hardly the purpose of leaving the house. 

“I remember we used to walk the whole grounds of Hogwarts beneath James’s cloak at night,” Sirius started, “partially to make the map, but I think by 7th year it felt a little like this, didn’t it?”

Remus nodded, “it did.”

“James was always ready to fight, and I think I was always ready to go with him,” Sirius hardly talked about James much anymore, or at least, not in the context of the war. It was painful for both of them to remember what happened, but Sirius and James had always been like brothers, “before he died we were talking, he couldn’t understand why I didn’t think we should tell you that Peter would be the Secret Keeper. He got all phycological on me, something he picked up from Lily, I imagine, and honestly was a bit angry with me. By the end of the conversation, he told me the next time I saw you, we needed to talk about whatever it was that got between us back then. Unfortunately, I didn’t see you again, not a month later, and I was in Azkaban.”

“I forgave you for that a long time ago Sirius, it was a war, and things got complicated…’ he looked at Sirius as they walked, “if anything, now that we are back here again you have already proven that I can trust you completely, there’s no doubt this time.” 

Sirius smiled at that, dryly, “I know,” he said simply, “but there’s something different about this time, well, maybe it isn’t different, but I understand it a lot better now.”

“And what is that?” Remus felt like he didn’t need to ask, but he did anyway. He couldn’t convince himself that anyone would feel anything towards him but pity.

Sirius saw right through him, “I think you know, twit.”

“I know,” Remus conceded, “I’ve had a suspicion for a while at least, I suppose. It feels like it did, before, when things were simpler.”

“Before I screwed it all up?”

“I never stopped feeling it, but I won’t say I wasn't… bothered,” Remus just stopped walking at that, “but every time we think we are going to work out, one of us makes a run for it.”

Sirius genuinely laughed at that, but nodded, “damaged people don’t like risking more damage.”

“What will be different? If we let whatever this is, be whatever it will be. How can we be sure that we don’t wind up hurting each other?” Remus asked he didn’t want to, and it hardly seemed necessary in the grand scheme of things… and yet it felt appropriate. The world was changing, and they may not live to see this war end. He could tell that neither of them wants to wait until the last moment, and waste all of the precious time they have now.

Every single time they’ve been this unspoken truth in each other’s lives, the labelless  _ something _ that had become something of fantasy at Hogwarts, it always ended the same way. With one of them hurting the other and leaving. Intentional or unintentional, Sirius drew first blood with the prank that exposed his condition to Severus, then Remus drew second by forgiving him only to retreat into himself as soon as school ended. From there, it became a back and forth of neither of them communicating and slowly watching their relationship crumble between them out of neglect and fear.

Since Sirius was back in his life, though, and the truth of the events around the war being laid out between them, that bridge mended itself. If anything, it was stronger than it had ever been because they’re all the other had left from the life they lead before all of this happened. They’re a walking reminder of where they started and what they fought for in those days. Now, they were the two broken pieces left remaining from the set of four that they should have been. From now on, their map is the only thing that will host all of their names together.

Sirius spoke after a long moment, “We’re adults now, so I’m told at least, and I think this time, we both know what happens when we aren’t careful.”

They’d already lost everything. Both of them. Unlike most people still fighting this war, they’re both now a collection of mended pieces left over from the selves that died with Lily and James. Remus realized, with startling focus, that he didn’t want Sirius to be one of those lost things. He didn’t want to let this go.

He turned to finally hold Sirius’s gaze; for a long moment, they just tried to read each other’s eyes for answers. When the spell broke, the distance between them closed. They kissed like it was the 100th time, it wasn't world-stopping, problem-solving, and neither of them forgot their worries. They weren’t teenagers anymore, and in those days, little stolen kisses might have felt like the world was ablaze, and everything melted away. Now, it was like bandaging a wound. It was still there, it still hurt, but there was something else there to protect it from further damage. It was something that should have always been there. 

When they pulled apart, it was still the same; the world hadn’t shifted or changed; if anything, it seemed like it was back to how it should have been. If there weren’t 12 years between them, if there wasn't a war between them, if they’d lived in a world where James and Lily still lived, this would have been simple. It wouldn’t have felt like a question. They were never ones for labels, but Remus had to admit that he preferred it when people referred to them as though they were a set deal. They may as well be, to begin with. 

They finally turned in after that. 

Sharing a bed while they slept wasn't unusual for them as is, with the way they all curled up during full moons, the forts in the common room that only just fit all four of them, and ever since then, it has become commonplace… this time they slept a little closer. 

There was hardly a shift in their relationship, if there was one thing Severus was ever right about, it was that they always acted like an old married couple. Even when there was no label to whatever they were to each other, they knew each other better than anyone, and yet still pestered each other and teased each other. They’d loved each other for a long time, as best friends, as more than that, as just people who’ve been through hell together. They didn’t need a word for whatever this was outside of love.

  
  


###  Seven

“Three, two, one, and raise it!” Arthur called over the distance between them.

Everyone raised their wands, and the tent came with it. It raised upward, and the fabric fluttered enough in the wind that it was based on sheer intuition and counting that Remus knew when his side was up all the way. Setting up for a wedding after all of them, nearly died shouldn’t have felt right. 

Yet, as he shifted his gaze over to where Tonk’s was attempting to tangle Sirius in the fabric of the tent, his mood lifted so quickly he didn’t feel himself begin to smile right away. It may seem so insignificant in the grand scheme of the war, but it didn’t serve for nothing. Seeing everyone smiling and goofing around for the first time since Dumbledore died made it all worth it. 

“What are you thinking about?” Tonk’s asked, coming to stand next to him while he was lost in thought. She leaned up a bit higher than what could have been comfortable for her height to rest her arm  _ barely _ on his shoulder.

Remus smiled, dimly amused by how much she was like her cousin at times, “everything, I suppose.”

She raised her eyebrow, “everything, you say? That’s impressive.”

“It’s a work in progress,” he responded readily, his gaze shifting from her to Sirius, who was finally crossing the distance between them. He looked like he’d just been in a battle with the tent, and his hair was a little static from the struggle.

Tonk’s snorted, “looks good on you.”

“Few things don’t,” Sirius responded dryly. 

“Is that so?” Her confident half-smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. 

Remus intervened before they wound up daring each other to do something stupid, which was how most of their conversations ended. He didn’t particularly want to go with Sirius to this wedding if he was going to be dressed like Deloris Umbridge. 

“I’m sure we could find something one day,” he responded simply, reaching out and smoothing the static out of Sirius’s hair carefully, “but today of all days is not the day to experiment.”

“I would say today is the best day to experiment, many more judges than usual,” Tonk’s insisted, meeting Sirius’s eyes in a way that begged for a challenge.

He would have risen to it too, but Remus spoke again, “I think there are plenty enough around as is, the Order is full of very honest people.”

Sirius grinned at him, meeting Tonk’s eyes for a split second before slinging his arm around Remus’s shoulder again, “don’t worry, I would never go out of my way to embarrass you at a wedding.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” Remus responded dryly, looking back at him, “besides, if I wanted to go to the wedding with a complete clown I would have invited Deloris myself.”

That comment seemed to surprise both Tonk’s and Sirius for a moment before both of them nearly folded over with laughter.

“Remus John Lupin, insulting an employee of the Ministry? Who are you?” Tonk’s spoke first, shaking her head, “that is some dangerous talk there, don’t let that Percy boy hear you.”

“Calling her a _clown_ no less?” Sirius whistled like he was impressed, “like you need more reason to be on the Ministry’s radar.”

Remus just sighed heavily, letting out an amused breath and rolling his eyes dramatically, “you act as though I insulted a saint. Besides, it’s hardly the point; the point is that you look just fine in the suit you’re wearing, and I will pretend I don’t know you if you show up in some new experimental outfit that you insist isn’t created out of a dare.”

“I think it’s far too late to pretend you don’t know me, Moony,” Sirius grinned, “half the people attending tonight have seen us ‘quarrelling like an old married couple’ enough times by now I imagine.”

“You’re probably right, but pretending I don’t know you isn’t for their benefit,” Remus smiled, shifting his attention to Sirius, “you’d barely last the night if I pretended not to see you.”

Sirius looked bemused, “Is that a challenge, Moony?” 

“It absolutely was not,” Remus insisted, shrugging Sirius off and giving both of them a suspicious look.

“Sounded like a challenge to me,” Tonk’s shrugged, grinning at Sirius.

“And all control of this conversation is lost,” Remus sighed, heading back over to talk to Arthur about how else he could talk about what other preparations needed to be done.

~~*~~

Remus didn’t see Sirius much during the final preparations before the wedding, it wasn't until they were both changing into suits that they had another moment together. Remus was buttoning the suit up to his neck, and fixing his tie as Sirius was finishing up brushing through his hair. The last wedding either of them had been at was James and Lily’s, and both of them were ignoring it. Today was a night of celebration and unity, not the nearly unbearable grief the two of them had been plagued with for 16 years. 

When they finished getting ready, Sirius offered Remus an arm, smiling lightly, “ready?”

Remus just chuckled softly and took his arm.

It wasn't like no one knew about them, they were always together and knew each other better than anyone. The only time they were ever apart for extended periods was for Harry, so seeing them arrive at the wedding together wasn't a surprise to basically anyone from the Order. Though, whether or not people assumed it was as friends or something else was up in the air until Sirius finally asked him to dance. 

“When was the last time we danced?” Sirius asked, “was it Lily and James’s wedding?”

Remus thought for a moment, “it might have been? Or the baby shower?”

“Oh, I don’t know if I would count the baby shower,” Sirius laughed as he spoke, shaking his head, “I think we were trying to invent a way for five people to dance at the same time in a tiny living room.”

That got Remus to laugh with him; the fond memory had grown hazy in the years of grief and the feeling of betrayal. Worse, it had tainted with the knowledge that Peter had been there, smiling and celebrating with them while going back to Voldemort when their back was turned. Remembering it like this, however, was a little more bearable. 

“I’ll always count it, it was one of the last really good days back then,” Remus insisted. 

Harry would never know how loved he was and is. How all five of them had celebrated his life, how his birth was a highlight of their years following Hogwarts, and how much all five of them loved him from the moment they learned of his existence. 

The song slowed down a bit, and they both slowed a bit. Partially out of the reminder of the better days of two people who should be here, honestly, of their lost friend in Peter too. Sirius squeezed his arm gently and tried to pull them from the dark cloud that had taken them over. They never went long without remembering all they lost, a brother, a best friend, and a leader. James was their leader; they followed him into the war and were adrift without him. The night Harry lost his parents, Remus and Sirius lost two people they considered like family.

“I think we’re both a bit rusty,” Sirius commented lightly, “we’re gonna have to try to fix that before the next time we’re invited somewhere.”

Remus chuckled, “I think you’re right.”

He couldn’t imagine that either of them practiced in the 12 years before they saw each other again, and in the years after being reunited was full of Order meetings and war. They were moving off instinct and just enjoying each other’s company, above all. As the song came to an end, they finally pulled apart.

“Let’s go make sure that Harry is enjoying the wedding, and not hiding away,” Sirius suggested.

Remus nodded, smiling at that, “good idea.”

Harry was a reminder of why the two of them kept going, above anything else, they owed it to James and Lily to protect their son. To protect the remaining legacy. They both loved him, as the should-have-been nephew of sorts that he would have been had Lily and James lived. 

Finding him took no time, and Sirius flopped down on the chair next to the boy while Remus stopped to stand next to him, “enjoying the night?” Sirius asked.

“I guess it feels a bit strange, though, doesn’t it?” Harry responded easily, looking around at the party-goers dancing and celebrating.

Remus followed his gaze for only a moment, but looked back at Harry, “sometimes it’s important to remember what we’re fighting for, Harry.”

“Even when we all nearly died only days ago?”

“Especially after that,” Sirius insisted, placing a hand on Harry’s shoulder to draw his eyes, “my boy, this is the one thing we have that Voldemort will never have. And, incidentally, the one thing he can never take from us.”

“But he has, he’s killed people, he will keep killing people,” Harry responded, but he avoided mentioning his parents. It was a soft spot for all three of them.

“We didn’t stop loving your parents after they died, and I don’t believe they ever stopped loving you or anyone despite them being gone,” Sirius insisted, “and we wouldn’t stop loving you if we died, and I wouldn’t stop loving either of you if you died.”

Harry looked at Sirius for a long quiet moment, then up at Remus. Remus spoke before he did, “he’s right Harry,”

“I usually am,” Sirius added, grinning.

Remus lightly flicked the back of his head, rolling his eyes. Harry just laughed, smiling genuinely again, and the world felt lighter for it, “I guess.”

“Don’t sulk too much today, I think there is a Weasley girl who’d really appreciate a dance,” Sirius teased, patting Harry’s back lightly, “don’t tell me you don’t know how to dance?”

“I had to learn,” Harry groaned lightly, but he was a bit red in the cheeks at the mention of Ginny, “for the tournament, remember?”

Sirius laughed, “I remember. So there is no excuse not to then.”

He gently shoved Harry to his seat and urged him forward. Remus did attempt to give the boy an apologetic smile, but he was off on his way -- and quite flustered -- to find Ginny. Leaving Sirius and Remus laughing to themselves at the pureness of young love. He was so like his father.

##  Eight

Anger didn’t begin to describe the feeling in Remus’s chest as they stood in the great hall.

It was the first time most of them had seen Severus since before he murdered Dumbledore, and there was no feeling quite like staring down the man who’d done so much bad to so many good people. Worse, was the quickly following _dread_ that took over as Harry collapsed at the head of the room.

There was only ever one reason for Harry collapsing like that, and it was never a good sign. 

This time, however, he wasn't the only one who could hear Voldemort; soon, the whole room could. His voice wasn't coming from anywhere in specific in the room; it was coming from everywhere and nowhere at once. They didn’t have time, at this point, they were utterly out of time to plan or prepare for Voldemort’s arrival, he was waiting just outside their door.

Sirius broke past the chaos of moving students and teachers preparing just long enough to reach Harry. Remus hesitated to follow, but getting separated so early wasn't an option.

“Harry,” Sirius started, putting his hands on both of the boy’s shoulders, “be careful, my boy, when this is over,”

“We can be a real family,” Harry finished.

Sirius smiled, properly hugging the boy, “exactly. We’ll help buy you time.”

“Be safe too, both of you,” Harry insisted, looking between both Remus and Sirius seriously. He was no longer the boy Remus had met on the train to Hogwarts or the baby; he only got the chance to know a handful of times. 

Remus patted Harry’s shoulder and nodded, “we have each other to watch our backs. Stay close to your friends, Harry.”

Harry smiled at both of them and nodded, “see you soon,” he gave a final glance between both of them, before hurrying off to find Hermione and Ron.

They both watched him go for a moment, before glancing at each other again. They had a post to man while they waited for Voldemort to infiltrate the school. 

~~*~~

After thirty years of painful, nearly unbearable transformations, and after losing his friends more than once, Remus imagined death enough for it to be barely more than a passing inevitably. Death, however, was no friend to anyone. There was always something to be left behind, always something to be lost. For some people, however, there was yet more to be gained in death. 

He didn’t fear dying. 

Yet, as the protective charms around the school began to crumble and come apart, his hand reached for Sirius’s. For just a moment, without looking at each other, they held to each other’s hands and prepared for the worst. 

“Oh look who we’ve found here,” a couple of Death Eaters burst through the side window next to them, shattering the glass inward and leering at them with their wands drawn.

Instantly, both of them had their wands raised. They didn’t entertain conversation, Sirius immediately slung a few hexes in an attempt to force them back. It was only met with defence at first, but slowly it started pushing them back along the narrow wooden pathway backward. 

Remus responded as quickly as he could, defending them both between the slings of curses and hexes being sent in both directions. It struck him then that Sirius wasn't smiling. He was always one to enjoy a good fight, they’d bickered about it countless times now in both wars, but at this moment, his face was twisted in concentration. There was no fun to be had as the school around them, the school that they had walked as teenagers, the school James, and Lily had begun their love story. 

Hogwarts had been the first place Remus had ever felt accepted and remained the only place that truly felt like home even after all these years. Yet, as they deflected the onslaught of spells against them, the brick exploded on either side, glass shattered, wood splintered, and the school fell apart at the seams. 

“Remus! Your left-” he heard Sirius start to shout, but by the time his head whipped over, it was a second too late. 

The curse hit him squarely in the chest, and he only heard the spell in his mind after it was cast. _Crucio_. He dropped to his knees, his world blind with pain. If he was screaming, he couldn’t hear it over the chaos. It only lasted a fraction of a second, Sirius must have forced the Death Eater off them, but Remus couldn’t stand. He couldn’t raise his wand against the searing pain in his body. 

He lifted his head, but only just in time to see Sirius be blasted backward by two Death Eaters. His voice didn’t come out as he tried to scream Sirius’s name, he didn’t hear what spell was cast, it could have been anything but Sirius was forced back with so much force that Remus knew instantly that whatever it was it was bad.

All at once, he knew they were about to die. They were seconds away from it- if Sirius was even still alive after whatever hit him. The Death Eaters were taking their time, they had less urgency, either because they knew they’d won or because they were waiting for Voldemort to kill Harry.

“Well, well, well, you’d think the great and powerful _Harry Potter_ would’ve built a better army,” one of them cackled, “instead, we have to waste our time on a beast and a has-been.”

Remus started to force himself to his feet, but the curse had done a toll on his already weak body. He wasn't built for war, he wasn't even built for athletics, he was weak and scrawny and _tired_. But he rose to his feet. Despite everything, despite his body protesting and telling him to stay down, despite his mind telling him his death would mean nothing, he forced himself to his feet.

He started taking steps backward, trying to get closer to Sirius.

“Sirius,” he managed, his voice croaking against the raw vocal cords, “if you’re alive, say something.”

Nothing.

“Sirius, please,” he tried again.

Nothing.

“ _Sirius._ ”

Nothing. 

Against all reason, he tried to rationalize that he’d just been stunned or knocked too far away to hear, but Sirius never kept anyone waiting. Not when they needed him. Remus couldn’t take his eyes off the Death Eaters closing in on all sides, but if he had a choice, he’d search for Sirius, he’d turn back time, he’d _fix it_. He didn’t have a choice.

##  Epilogue 

It was James that Remus saw first.

It was James, and then it was Lily. Standing as if they were waiting for him and smiling like they always had. The moment he saw them, it was like they’d never left. It was as though they had been with him all this time, just out of sight, and just out of reach. They were unchanged, as young and happy as they were the last time he saw them. 

He knew at once that he’d been killed, and when he saw Sirius next, he knew they’d just broken a promise. 

Eventually, if the Death Eater’s left any part of their bodies to be found, Harry would come upon them and see it. That after all of this is over, they’d failed to keep their final promise to him. But they’d never leave him, not really. They’d be waiting here, hopefully for a long time, for him to come home to them. To all of them. 


End file.
